You find yourself standing dumbstruck and open-mouth breathing over the hotness of this dude. And that he’s not afraid to be a little rough in bed. You know, so you know that he’s dangerous. At a gay bar, there’s usually a really sexy guy with a tattoo sleeve on one of his arms. You think, “Move on to a new lyric, Dude! This part of the stupid song should’ve been over 89 years ago.” And it usually ends with you crying, but this time for good reason-worship music without alcohol is unbearable.Ģ. Except, after the 90,000 th time singing the same generic lyric on repeat, the Holy Spirit leaves you, and you just want to punch the worship leader in the face. But you’re high on the Holy Spirit, so you don’t care. Their music is pretty terrible in and of itself. You know, the holy trinity of classic worship song singers. Somehow, it ends with you crying in the bathroom, insisting to your buddies that you’re not that drunk.Īt a contemporary worship service, you might sing Chris Tomlin or Matt Redman or Hillsong. Soon, you find yourself having a late night/extremely early morning chicken fingers feast at the sketchy restaurant down the street. Except, before you know it, it’s closing time, and your friends are forcing water down your throat because you went a little overboard. It’s also been remixed into really fun house music that, when combined with alcohol, makes it possible for even the whitest of people to dance. You know, the holy trinity of classic gay hymn singers. At a gay bar, you might sing Cher or Madonna or Katy Perry. Worship: Fully clothed people dancing in the aisles for no apparent reason other than for me to look atġ. Gay Bar: Shirtless dudes walking around the perimeter of the dance floor for no apparent reason other than for me to look at
Worship: Sexy, but sadly often straight Baptist Bible belt hunks Gay Bar: Sexy, but sadly often straight bartenders In both places, you have flashing, neon-colored lights, fog/stage smoke, extremely loud music, people jumping up and down, and straight girls crying.Įven in their differences, it’s easy to find similarities: Going to a gay bar is a lot like going to a contemporary church worship service.